This Little Light of Mine
At about 12:30 yesterday I said to myself
"I must have actually gone to sleep last night. And died. And went to Hell. Crap."
My lack of sheer terror should have proven to me that I was talking crazy, but for about 45 seconds I was totally convinced.
Here's what happened.
Tuesday Night
8:15 come home from an awesome sushi date with two of my mama friends sans Lily and hubby. I noticed that the lights downstairs are on and that there is furniture inside. "Oh, new neighbors" I round the corner to the stairwell and get completely bathed in the most disgusting smelling cigarette smoke I've ever smelled. I try to hold my breath as I go up the stairs, but I can't stop coughing. I want to scream "IF YOU DON'T WANT THAT CRAP IN YOUR HOUSE, WHY ARE YOU SMOKING IN THE STAIRWELL SO IT CAN GO IN MY HOUSE?!?" But I figured I should actually introduce myself first... I come in the house and vent tell Eamon about our new fumigators. I said "All I've been praying for is that downstairs will stay empty til the baby comes!" like a selfish 5 year old that just had her cookies taken away.
10:00 We're turning in to bed, and all I can hear is their tv. I'm trying my hardest to not sigh every two seconds...but it's not working. Eamon says "Mae, hey, listen to me." UUUUUGGGGHHHH...hate when he does that, it always means "I'm gonna say something you hate, but I am right and you know it." he said "You're not gonna like this but," told you so "This is gonna suck. It doesn't matter who they are, having downstairs neighbors is gonna suck. They are gonna be noisy, they are not gonna care about us, and they are going to annoy the crap out of you." I rolled my eyes thinking "Yes, that's easy for you to say, you can sleep through this..I CAN'T!"
11:00 No change in volume from their tv.
12:00 I go into the living room to try to sleep, but I get shaken every 20 mins by them going outside to smoke EVERY TWENTY MINUTES. Get a hold of your addiction people... Go suck on...well, something else, if you need something in your mouth that often.
01:30 Yup, I'm crying now. Hormones plus pure frustration equals one weepy mama
02:00 I head back into my room to see if it's still going on. YUP. I head into Lily's room since the twin is more comfortable, but The noise is just as loud.
02:30 Eamon finds me in Lily's room. The show they were watching downstairs changed and was like TEN times louder, it actually woke Eamon up.
02:45 Eamon goes downstairs to tell them to STFU, but no answer.
02:55 Their tv woke them up [THEY FELL ASLEEP!?!] so they decided to turn it off. Whatever... Eamon and I can't go back to sleep just yet so we're talking about what to do next.
03:45 Lily wakes up. WHAT?!? WHY?!?! She's been sleeping through the night for ages now...ugh. I bring her in my bed bc she's all of a sudden terrified of hers. She decides that it's the perfect time to tell me all about her adventures and why I'm a "Ba-ba-BAD DOG"
05:30 Eamon's alarm goes off. Neither of us were able to sleep with Lily in the bed. [Because she wouldn't keep her gab shut] Eamon goes off to work.
06:30 Lily finally goes back to sleep, and so do I.
Wednesday
09:00 We wake up. I think I'm not gonna make it through the day, but just go through the motions. I get Lily dressed and find something that fits me.
10:00 Bible study. I look like a hot mess, I can barely contribute to any conversation...but I'm glad to see everyone.
11:30 We come home. Our electricity's cut off. SON OF A...WHY!?!?! I spend the next hour or so on the phone with the phone company with a hungry toddler and a hungrier mama.
1:00 I give up on making lunch and order out.
2:00 The power comes on and lunch arrives, PRAISE JESUS!!!!
Somewhere between yelling at the automated phone service and eating lunch, I found myself laying on my bed with Lily singing to/with her. I decide to teach her "This Little Light of Mine" She loves it so much and starts singing her version of it with me. I then found myself singing my own version of it.
There we are, with the power out, cracking up on my bed, singing the most ridiculous song I've ever heard. In that moment I felt Jesus more powerful than my circumstances. Yup, we live next to drug dealers. Yes, some days I feel like I'm covered in cigarette ash just from checking the mail. And yeah, there's been those nights where I've been kept up by Tupac, Selina, and the moaning of my neighbors doing it. But am I really going to let those things put out my light? Put out the light that I've SAID Jesus has put in me? I felt quite silly at the moment. Not only because I was teaching Lily to sing about crack heads, but because I felt so...flimsy. Like the strength of my faith depended on my surroundings and how comfortable I was.
Today, with the house a complete wreck from not cleaning up a dang thing yesterday, and with a full night's [pregnant woman's] sleep, I'm gonna KEEP letting my light shine. You should do the same :]
Mae
Don't forget to go help me with my Birth Playlist! I'm getting some good ideas!
Lend Me Your Ear & I'll Sing You a Song
Not really...I tend to moo during labor.
Actually - Have you ever seen Orgasmic Birth? Well I was pretty mortified when I saw women, well, one woman in particular, have an orgasm while pushing out her baby. I was pretty equally mortified [I really just don't know why...] when I saw this breech video [Careful, there's some boobies...and some lady parts.] of this mom smiling HUGE at the end of each push and showed Eamon. He said "Oh ya, that's pretty much exactly what you did" Oh...weird.
Anyway, I've been thinking about my birth playlist since I saw this video of an amazing home birth a while back.
I. Love. This. Song.
Leo Hart from The Panic Room Videos on Vimeo.
Notice, neither of these moms are screaming about how much they hate their husbands or to "Get this damn things outta me!!!" It can be done ;]
Well anyway, if you read my last post, you know that I'm having trouble finding good songs this time around, so help me out! Aside from harp solos, beach sounds [both of which I actually LOVE during a massage], and praise music, have any good suggestions? I stalk your blogs, I know you people have good taste in music! So help me out!
This is what I have so far, care to contribute?
Mae
Baby Burke To Do List
Ninety percent of my friends think I'm going just a little bit crazy.
Why?
Well aside from the usual reasons, I'm in nesting OVERDRIVE...and I still have over 5 weeks to go. But there is a very simple explanation to why I'm putting everything together for this little baby so early.
I didn't get to last time.
During Lily's pregnancy I painted her nursery, folded all of her little clothes, picked out outfits, baby proofed everything-then we got infested with bed bugs [more on that some other time] We had to move in order to get out of the mess and to have a successful homebirth where my birth team wouldn't have to worry about carrying any of the little critters home. So we ended up moving into our last apartment on my due date.
The pretty mural I worked so hard on, all the sticks and spit I had glued together, all my hard work seemed absolutely worthless. And all the time that we were deciding/waiting to move, I couldn't do anything for Lily. It seemed pointless. So after my due date, Eamon let me paint our bedroom, living room, and bathroom [we both kinda hoped all the work would put me in labor, lol] and let me do whatever I needed to in order to be "prepared" for baby. But it still felt weird. It was like cramming for a test instead of spending the whole week [read: 10 months] steadily studying for it.
This time around is different.
Every few days I'm trying to get one thing done so that I'm not overwhelmed and so that I'm in a good habit of doing something exclusively for the baby. Here are some things that are on my list [some accomplished, others not ;]
Write Birth Plan - I used this awesome site to help me write mine. I know that my birth team doesn't really need one this detailed, but I really like it in case of transport. I think it's a wonderful resource for any mom who wants to birth their way [regardless of what way that is!]
Order Birth Kit - I actually did this last night! We're supposed to have our kits in at the beginning of 36 weeks, and mine is on it's way!
Create a Birth Playlist - This has actually been the tough part. Why? I live in the Metroplex. I've seen every single one of my preggo friends ask for suggestions for their playlist and this what gets recommended, every time, no exceptions. Enya, Dixie Chicks [WTH?!? Sometimes I have to laugh at the fact that I live in Texas] and then there's the praise music [Bible Belt y'all!] Don't get me wrong, but I am just not the type of girl who sings hymms during her contractions. It NEVER fails. Casting Crowns, Keri Jobe, and David Crowder Band. Somehow every other woman says they've had babies to these soundtracks. I have NOTHING against any of these artists, and do listen to them, but I am just not that type of girl... SO I got on Groove Shark and tried putting together a list... I have three songs. Ugh. You know what, I'm going to do another post just for playlist ideas. Last time I had nothing but Coldplay and Norah Jones and loved it, but I'm lookin for something a little different this time :]
Wash Baby's Clothes - DONE! I washed all of our neutral baby clothes as well as all of our little girl clothes 0-3 months that way I won't have to worry about it after the birth if it is a girl. Looking at all of the little dresses REALLY made me want this to be a little Norah ♥
Get out Baby Essentials - Still working on this one. I have our rocker put together, got a bouncy seat from a friend last night, my wraps and slings are washed as well as blankets. I need to wash my new pump and make sure it has all of it's parts. We brought the car seat in to be cleaned...honestly...I don't know what other baby essentials there are!
Meal Plan for a month after Baby is due - Hopefully we'll have some help with the meals/cooking after the birth, but I'm not expecting much. Last time we had a few friends bring groceries, and a few who brought meals, but I was on my own for the cooking after the first week. It was tough. I figure if I can have a meal plan and grocery list ready, Eamon can take care of a lot of that for me :] I'll also try to be putting some freezer meals together so I can just pop em in the freezer.
Plan activities for Lily - Lily's gotten pretty good at playing by herself, but I'm trying to be a little more organized with her playtime, so I'm trying to come up with "special activities" to do while I'm on bed rest. I'm also working with Eamon to put together some special dates for the two of them so that Baby and I can have a quiet house for a few hours to sleep/nurse.
Pray. A Lot - This is being done and will continue to be done. Every night, regardless of how tired we are, or how many times we've talked/prayed about the baby, Eamon lays his hand on my belly and we pray over our little [pfft] baby and Lily.
Have any helpful suggestions for any of this? What did you do to get prepared for a new sibling in the house?
Hope you have a good day! Don't forget to go help me out with my playlist!
Mae