Uncomfortable

My little Phoebe is six months and ten days old. Sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday that my husband and I were loading up the car to go take our weekly photos of my ever growing belly.

But she is here, and I am taking the appropriate time to document her ever growing chub and giggles. I know all too well how the time whirs past during the first year of life, and I don't want to miss a thing.

Tonight, as my not-so-tiny family of five went out for dinner, I had my husband take a picture for me for my website. The sunset was dazzling, I've been wanting a picture that shows off our new location more accurately, and I was not in pjs. Conditions were perfect. Well, except for the fact that I have no idea how to pose myself in this post partum body of mine.

For ten months, I got so good at drawing all of the attention to my belly and the life inside of it. I grew a confidence that is unique to pregnant women, one that I respect and love capturing. But this body I'm in right now, rightthisverysecond... It's something else.

Some of my favorite clients are with me throughout their baby's first year. They blush and brush off the adoring comments I throw their way during their sessions, in disbelief of the beauty that is all their own.

I look through the photographs my husband takes of me and I can see which ones are flattering, which ones I see worthy enough to share as a part of my "brand" but the uncomfortableness that is this period of post baby bearing, it can dim the lights on it's exquisiteness. While this is not a picture of what I see in my head, it is a picture of what my baby needs. My neck and cheeks are still full (probably from nomin' on her fat baby rolls all day, AMEN?!) There's that little bit of fluff all over that I keep while breastfeeding as another reminder that there is a rolly, squishy, cuddly lady who needs a soft, safe place of refuge. My hips are wider than ever before, and the twins... three breastfed babies, y'all... All kinds of fun analogies to be made.

Tonight I caught myself grimacing, and thought "You cut that out. What would you tell your clients if they were making that face at themselves?"

I am not one to promote self absorption, or that your worth is in your looks, but I do believe that our bodies are designed beautifully to care for our baby's needs in each stage of their lives. And for that, I will accept where my body is, today, and be thankful for all that it has been entrusted to do for my little ladies.

No, this post isn't a cry for compliments, it is a call to action to love that uncomfortable place you are in.

All my Love, Mae

Dear Daughters: Fall

Lady loves,

It seems like time is running on exponentially quicker by the day.
We're now in November, 2013 is almost over. The next few months will be slightly cooler here, dictated only by a series of cool/cold fronts. Winters are much more mild on the coast.
It seems like God isn't moving slowly with our family. He is moving us swiftly through each transition in our lives. Your daddy got injured at work on his birthday and we were left totally vulnerable. God showed off in a big way getting our bills, groceries and rent paid for when we were completely unable to. How wonderful is it that HE IS ABLE when often, we are not. Don't ever forget that He has been your everything since you were in my belly. He always shows up.
Because of this injury, a new job opened up for daddy at a different company. The hours are long for now, leaving me a bit lonely, and you a bit pent up, but it is temporary. We've had to re-examine our priorities to make this time that is challenging, demanding, and sometimes monotonous, filled with just a little more peace and grace.

Lily,

You are losing the last bit of your baby chub, revealing a young lady that is maturing within you. You are incurably curious, generous, and your budding sense of humor leaves us all rolling. Becoming your school teacher challenges me daily. Watching your eagerness to learn combined with your lack of discipline gives me deeper insight to the Lord's patience with me. You are the best of helpers, when you want to be. You are developing your own taste in what is beautiful and womanly. You bring an innocence and silliness to the groups you play with. I hear you tell your friends about Jesus and my heart explodes with Joy. I am praying for a best friend for you. A loyal, sweet, Jesus claimed girl that will bring you laughter and creative conversations to nurture your growing soul.

Norah,

My sweet girl. Daily I am reminding myself not to define you by your condition or your attitude. Your reactions are intensifying, leaving my mind to constantly worry about what I can "do" for you. You test my faith and show me how often I doubt the ability of Our Father. You give me the courage to pray deeper, more extravagantly than ever before. You are petite, still have the chubbiest fingers and the most adorable pot belly. Your hair is thinning in some places, but it is getting long enough for me to play with when you sit still long enough. You are a spit-fire. You have sass and humor for days. You are enjoying your new role as big sister and getting to know who Lily and Phoebe are in your world. You are learning fast at your sister's side. You are developing a love for food and cooking. I am praying that you know contentment so deeply that you can show me. I am praying for a diagnosis and cure for your ailment.

Phoebe,

I have yet to meet a single human that greets you with anything less than a smile. You spread joy with your chunkalicious rolls and contagious smile. You are my shy girl, you bury your head in my chest with the sweetest smile anytime you meet someone new. You have rounded out our family in such a way that makes us feel a wholeness we didn't know was missing. You exhaust me to no end, but are my breath of fresh air whenever I need it. You are scooting and army crawling around our apartment and are sure to be full on crawling any minute. You have two adorable chompers. You are tiny and I am not wistful for you to grow up in any way.

We have six more months before we have to move out of this apartment. I spend my evenings before I go to bed praying about what that looks like. Moving into another apartment? Finding a home where we can stretch our legs and play in a yard? I know what I want, what I covet, but I am breathing in the Truth that God has something perfect for us. Your daddy and I know this is a time of rebuilding for our family. To bring us to know each other more intimately before He sends us out again. This fall is a time of closeness, and as much as my flesh wants to push you away at times to live selfishly, I will draw your closer to me, to Jesus.

All my love,
Mama

Nick + Amberlee

I am not a wedding photographer.I celebrate motherhood through photographs.

But when Amberlee contacted me about photographing her wedding based on my portrait sessions, I jumped at the opportunity to photograph this milestone from mother to wife. I am used to photographing anticipation, arrival, joy, but this setting was a new one for me. I am forever grateful to have been a part of your day, Nick and Amberlee.

Enjoy.