Letter to Baby: 3.22

Dear Baby,
Happy New Year, Sweatheart! 2013, it's the year you'll get borned. We stayed up till midnight, took a shot of champagne, and made our wishes. I have plans for this year, running our home more efficiently, feeding you and sisters even better food, getting back to my sewing machine, going on lots more dates with daddy, and rocking at being a mama of THREE gorgeous Burke babies. My belly is starting to feel the weight of your growth, giving me some growing pains of my own, but I am grateful for it. I am sorry the NYE celebration of sparkling cider and champagne gave you hiccups, but it was adorable.

All my love,
Mama

(See more of this series here)

Winter Grey

Been quiet over here!

2013 has been adventurous thus far. And by adventurous I of course mean boogers flowing, leaning on our chosen family to feed us every now and then, new routines coming then going with mama down for the count (from boogerpocolyps 2013)...it has been a weird time of transition to say the least.

We went and looked at mini vans yesterday (because I am the most bad ass 23 year old you know) from Eamon's dealership and it reminded me that things are going to change-soon- and that this part of my life will be short lived so I gotta do what I need to do and get to it!

I read this blog post before I started updating this, and I gotta say, it irritated me. This week was...good...give or take. I only had one panic attack and I guess being sick took my mind off some things. But, I guess as much as she hears "depression is a sin, and shameful, and you just need more faith to endure" I hear the opposite. I have so many people who love me (and more importantly, Jesus) who want me to start on an anti-depressant. But I've done my research, I've asked Jesus a thousand different ways if it's for me, I've seen it work and I've seen it fail, and I can't do it. TWENTY FIVE PERCENT of patients on an anti-depressant who have a history of suicidal behavior end up killing themselves after being put on medication. If I, as a pregnant woman, said "I am going to do this XYZ thing every day. I have a 1 in 4 chance it will kill me, but it's cool" ...you would slap me. I mean, I hope you would! I feel like I just have to fight harder about something I'm convicted of, over a subject that implies I have no energy to fight, ha. But what can you do?

I'm seeking out a therapist for Norah's obsessive itching, not much luck yet, but I'm trying.
We've been staying inside from the freezing, but got two days of sunshine this week, and you bet I was out there with the girls gettin my vitamin d.

This post officially shall be renamed "Word Vomit." My apologies for the lack of content and constant talk of depression crap. I will return to updating about the baby growing inside my womb now.

Hope you are having a less grey and chilly weekend where you are :]
Mae

The Birth of Annalise

Lindsay contacted me just a few days before the birth of her sweet girl. She as already due, so I knew that I was really on call.

Thanksgiving day rolls around, I just started to make lunch, and I got "the call"

I picked up my bag, raced to my car, and started praying for a beautiful bith for this mama (who had a difficult first birth) and made it to her birth in record time.
The streets were quiet. Neighborhoods were lined with cars of families feasting with their loved ones. And while all of the Johnson's neighbors watched the game, and got full on turkey, pie & stuffing, Lindsay worked. She worked hard, and she worked efficiently, and we all rejoiced when she finally got to hold her sweet girl in her arms.

Thank you so much Johnson family for allowing me to be part of such a beautiful afternoon/evening, and congratulations on your precious daughter.