Fog

If you've never seen fog roll in over the Gulf, you are missing out on something special.
Millions of tiny bubbles of water collect to cover whatever they feel needs to be hidden, clouding the air above. Usually a storm has just passed and the fog is there to stay. Sometimes it's so thick, if you stand in it long enough, you can feel it move, like rain with no agreed upon direction.

This is where I am now. This dense fog.
It isn't eerie or frightening, but thick and uncertain. A beautiful thunderstorm has passed through complete with electric lightening and trembling thunder, but the ground is taken in what the rain had to offer and the fog has decided to come for a while.

It's hard for me to keep my mind clear as of late.
Where do I take my business, how do I make new friends, when will I feel at peace in my new post baby skin, do the girls need more structure, where do the lines of self awareness and self obsession meet and how do I keep from teetering on it... The thoughts ramble on and on. My heart is simply overflowing with business that refuses to cease. I think back to when I was fasting before Phoebe was born and am envious of my prayer life and concentration. I consider daily deactivating my facebook account because of the unwanted hours I pour into flipping through the screens of redundancy on my phone, but am wary of the attention and unwelcome comments it brings. But I also get words of truth, deep, life-giving truth that seem to balance out the rot.

So what do you do? How do you create a quiet space for your mind that enables the fog to clear focus on what matters? I know that in actual fog, a hot sun and a fierce wind can make it vanish before your eyes.

Lord, let your Son bring his heat, and support my discipline as a fierce wind

12 We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

(the message "boo, hiss, let's all throw things")

1 Corinthians 13:12

Home Is Wherever I'm With You

I was curled up with Eamon, a bit of his breath still warm in my lungs, his heart loudly beating in my ear on his chest. Phoebe was softly snoring in her nest under the window, the moonlight competing with building lamps for her attention. Sleep I desperatly needed came quickly. It was there, as my body relaxed and my eyelids dropped, I finally felt at home.

For weeks I've encouraged the notion that I am above my surroundings. But with a humbled heart, I've found myself alive in our new abode. The downsizing left us with only the most functional and beautiful of what we owned. The people that dwell in it are my most prized posessions. The words spoken here are life giving when we deny ourselves. Simplicity and Grace have been my two biggest motivators as a mother and wife. They also bring awareness to the ongoing changes of our little temporary home, and I am glad of it.

What God is doing here is important. Being present is imparitive, and I know that I am lacking there, but when Eamon shows me a deeper understanding of Christ's love, or when my heart is softened for a disobedient daughter, I am reminded once again to pay attention.

We are home again. Thank you, Father, you are faithful, indeed.

Dear Daughters

Dear Daughters,

This summer was completely unexpected. The Littlest Lady was born into our family with much excitement. Only days after her arrival our family was promised a new life in Rockport. Away from our friends, but back to our family. Your daddy would be able to go back to school, and I would be able to have the help of your Grandma & Aunts. The house we were promised fell through and we were left with our hands in the air, not knowing what to do next. We lived with your Grandma for a month after living with your uncle for a month. Our hearts were hurt and we only had each other to lean on.

But you, my sweet girls, have shown me the faults in my heart.

You have lived this summer as if it was the greatest. Your bellies were full every night, and you played til you couldn't keep your eyes open. We ate burritos and sipped "coffee bubbles" (sparkling water) at sunset on the beach as many times as possible. You played naked in the sprinklers til the sea breeze got too cold on your booties. You got cuddles and kisses that your family has waited years to shower you with.

You have nothing to complain about- and neither do I.

We are starting over, here, in Rockport. Daddy is now a cabinet maker. Lily starts Pre-K at home this year. Norah has a possible diagnosis for her skin condition. Phoebe is a boob addict and is in blissful baby heaven 24/7. And Mama is refocused.

Having three little ladies who will one day be women, and hopefully mommies under foot keeps me on my toes. While we were without a home this summer, my priorities were put in place. It is not important that I maintain the largest portfolio of breastfeeding women. The pride that I had in "normalizing breastfeeding" through my work became unbearable. It isn't even in line with my mission statement. You girls reminded me of what my calling is and it has nothing to do with competing with others.

My job is to lead you to Jesus. To show you the beauty of  His world through my love. My parenting. My friendship. And this love I have for you, it overflows into my passion of photography. These moments in motherhood that are knit together by kisses, laughter, heartache, and joy- they are what fuels my creative being. The moments I have caught of you in secret while you explore, love, and learn are ones that I will forever cherish. I want to provide that for my clients.

This summer you have inspired me to step up my game- at home and behind my lens. I will not aim to book the most shoots. I will not book a shoot just for the sake of a few extra bucks that really just keeps me from you. My portfolio is built. It is solid. And the only time I will spend away from you will be spent capturing what you have inspired in me.

With all my love, Mama <3

What does this mean for my clients? The mini sessions I have in Austin & DFW in September are a go! I will be able to see some of my very favorite mamas who got me where I am today and meet some new moms and babes along the way. But with homeschooling and traveling for Norah's testing there will be very limited monthly availability (only one or two sessions a month in South Texas.) I will continue to mentor online during naptime and after bedtime. I love teaching and this has been one of the most rewarding things I've done all year! I will begin booking births after sweet Phoebe is a year old. This is by no means a  "good-bye" or "see ya later." This is a "let's do this". I am ready to give you the best of me in order to capture what is most important to you.