Jitters

We have a new kitten in our home. I called my mom a few weeks ago to tell her "we have a new addition to our family!" to which she slowly inhaled and said "...okay* waiting for the other shoe to drop (I don't blame her, I have a sorted history of pranking her horribly!) as I told her it was a cat. She would have been thrilled had I told her we were adopting, I was having twins, or we got a snake, she just had no idea what to expect.  

That little kitten is currently curled up on my lap in our bed. She was taken from her mama before she was weaned, then abandoned, so all of our attachment parenting over the past 6 years is really paying off ;) I'm laying here, hardly able to keep my eyes open, but completely incapable of falling asleep. Today I did all of the stupid hard stuff that us artsy fartsy people tend to neglect- the money stuff. I paid my taxes and then planned out all of my finances for 2015. Let's talk about how drained I am.

And I want to just put this out there - 2015 is sorta kinda MAJORLY freaking me out.

What if I don't get booked?

What if I get really sick?

What if I tear apart my family?

What if I'm being too big for my britches?!

You see, two years ago I started to put together an organization for breastfeeding photographers. It was too early, first of all, I'll go ahead and own that right now. But here's what also happened. I got laughed at for some typos, I was scoffed at by my peers because I set my standards unprecedentedly high, and no one took me seriously. It took me a year to burry that project and every now and then I still have to lick an old wound.

But you know, I'm prideful. And maybe I need to be knocked on my butt. Once, twice... Okay, lots.

With that kitty purring, thunder rolling softly, and the ac whirring (sup, Texas winter?) I feel that deep inhale being sucked in. "You've got big plans for 205!" "...okaaaaaay" what does that mean exactly, ya know?!

I am lucky enough to have my heart sewn together with a man's who loves me fiercely. I am always his number two (behind our Lord) and he is mine. Sewing two hearts together is messy business, especially with two as meaty as ours. There is the painful needle pricks of each pass of the needle and the thread often narrowly avoids life giving veins. But somehow we don't bleed out. We survive the process. And then, after all of that, once scar tissue has started to form and the wounds heal, three little chunks were ripped right out. Our little girls are painfully cherished. They are the answer to many of my "Why's" and I gift that I am unsure I have properly received.

With all of that in mind - I need to not be needed for a minute.

The Lord's Grace is enough for me to raise them well, and there is no buts about that. Buuuuut. Being an introverted 25 year old I find myself needing more and more space. I don't just need a minute. I need a chance to miss them. That's horrible to say isn't it? I know there are parents who have lost their baby thinking "I would never!" And to you, I am sorry for my selfish ignorance.

In 2014 I spent more time administrating than shooting and editing. It was hard work that paid off, but as we round off this 2014th year of our Lord... I am left with the feeling that I didn't shoot enough. I didn't put the glass up to my face and catch the light enough. I didn't risk my crazy toddler possibly wrecking my camera enough. I didn't convince you that you need to stop paying for $100 "meh" pictures every few months and instead save up for a session that you will truly love by getting in front of the camera, MY camera - enough. I didn't step out of my comfort zone enough. I didn't step into your comfort zone enough.

So somehow, I have to strike that balance. Reply to my needy needers and photograph 2015 and it's moments in motherhood with no regrets.

Here's to holding our breath for a few more days as we wait and see what 2015 has in store for us!

Find me on Instagram (@mae_burke) for momore of my non camera toting ways ;)

Dear Daughters : Winter (or something like it)

Dear Daughters, Winter is almost here. Well, something *like* winter is almost here. The humid, muggy, breezy season is upon us, just chilling the water to an unbearable temperature, but not bringing any possibility of snow.

If I am honest, I have not been good to you during this change of season. My temper has been short, my patience has been thin, my words have been harsh. You don't understand "the busy season" for photographers, and it isn't fair to you how much work I've dedicated myself to. But for the next few months it's just us. No flights, no marathon sessions, no late night editing. Just us. For your sake, I will remember that this season is short and that it can easily be ruined by my bad attitude.

And if I'm more honest, being a wife is even less intuitive than being your mother. It is easier for me to kiss your skinned knees, sing you to sleep, or change your sheets in the middle of the night because of a tummy bug than it is to be a wife. Motherhood, I am starting to consider, may be more intuitive to us ladies than anything else. Our bodies our created for it. But being submissive (in the context of the Word) and supportive and loving does not come easy to me some days, and I know it throws off the entire balance of our home. My flesh fights it, my mind belittles it, my heart grows weary of it. Your daddy and I celebrated 10 years of friendship a few weeks ago. We have changed so much in that short time. But we've grown so close because of you girls. The only options we have during these hard days and long nights is to go our separate ways, or grow closer together. Looking back at the work He's done in your daddy and I in 10 years is indescribable. I am embarrassed at who I was, but I know that if God can turn that mess of a girl around, He has BIG things for you.

I hope you know how good your God is, my girls. His Grace is so overabundant in covering your family. I know He is doing a work through us that will last generations through your children and theirs. Know that the grace I so sparingly hand to you is but a drop in the ocean to what He has to offer. I can't wait for the day you meet your Savior out of your own need. He is waiting. He is good. He is faithful.

While it may sound like we are dredging through things, we really aren't. The laughs we have these days are deeper, the time we spend together is more intentional. Your daddy left his job at the plant because he missed you. Because he loves you so very much. It didn't make any sense to make money for you that he couldn't spend with you. So now, he is home every day. Working at a job he loves, with the ladies that mean the most to him - me and you.

We love you so much, Lily, Norah, and Phoebe. You are so worth all of this work.

(Thank you so very much, Whitney of The Archibald Project for taking time out of your preparation to MOVE TO UGANDA to capture these moments for us. If you would like to support this amazing ministry that promotes orphan care all over the world through story telling, be sure to follow all of these linkies.)

2015 Mentoring

 

Teaching is something that has always been in me. Call it oldest child syndrome, first chair clarinet disorder, control issues... whatever, I'm a teacher. Not only do I teach my three girls at home, but I've worked with women all over the world to build their brand, their skill, and their confidence to take the next step in their photography journey. So far I have stuck to mentoring online via Skype (which I still plan to do plenty of next year!) but in 2015 I'm going bigger.

This next year I am excited to be hosting two workshops in my beautiful hometown, Rockport, Texas to walk with you side by side and give you all that I can in our short time together. We'll watch the sunrise over the bay, get to know each other, photograph some beautiful mamas, laugh, cry, eat (a lot), and wish we had more time together.

These workshops will go beyond the basics getting to know your camera (must own and be comfortable shooting in manual mode on your DSLR camera) and focus on fine tuning your artistry and business:

• We will spend the morning getting to know each other over coffee and breakfast at the beach
• we will assess where your business is and talk about where you want to go from the pictures you are taking to the money you are making.
• We will talk about acquiring the client you want, preparing them for your session, and covering yourself legally.
• During lunch we will get some alone time reflect on what we've learned and shared
• After lunch we will photograph a beautiful mama and her babe in a gorgeous canal side home. We will cover organic styling, posing, finding light, and working at the client's pace.
• After that we will head to the water to photograph a real life amazing rambunctious family
• We will head to dinner after our family session at a local, adorable, amazing restaurant in town (dinner is covered in your fee)
• After dinner we will head back to the gorgeous canal side home to talk about the hard stuff. The mom/wife/own person plus business lady problems. The time management, the priorities, the reason that we are so passionate about this work that we do.
• Sunday we will wake up, have a sweet time of worship (for those interested, otherwise, more sleep for you!) and get back to work talking about post production and fine art products.

Your fee will cover your lodging, dinner on Saturday night and lunch on Sunday afternoon. Lodging will be cozy (2 to a room) in a beautiful home here in Rockport. There are only 8 seats for each workshop.

So, are you ready? Email me at maeburkephoto@gmail.com with any  questions (spoiler alert, I have payment plans available) and let's get started.